So I Find Myself ... The beginning & the end?

So I find myself..... 
Going through my badly neglected blogging account this morning, I realized I never actually published the following blog I wrote 8.5 months after the sudden & unexpected death (10/14/2012) of who I have referred to in my blogs as "Yikes".  
      "Yikes" was my significant other, my lover, my friend, my abuser ....
       ...But also, during the years they knew him, he was the "grandfather" figure to my two precious grandsons. For any and all negative that existed within "Yikes",  for my 2 grandsons he was a wonderful, loving, shining example of grandfatherly love,  teaching them and ensuring they experienced all thing grandfathers teach their grandsons from humorous fun, fishing, trail walking, to important life wisdom. 

Here I present that long forgotten writing:

So I find myself.....
      ... The beginning & the end?
It now 8.5 months since "the angels came down and they 'woked' him up and tooked him to the *spirit in the sky."  This amazing wisdom came to me compliments of my 4-year old grandson. How can a 4-year old have such insight? Seeing the tears welling up in my eyes, despite great efforts not to show my pain in front of my grandsons,  my older grandson Xander (6-years old) said, "It's all right Granna, we can still talk to him in our hearts. He's everywhere we are." These wonderful golden nuggets of wisdom came from these 2 very young precious boys exactly 1 week after "Yike's" death.

He is gone from this earth as we know it.
But he is never far away.

He was abusive, yes. He was also calming and soothing, but quick-tempered;  a quiet man, yet explosive; angry and hostile, though so deeply in love with me, so lovingly passionate, but possessive and controlling. We stayed in each others lives just shy of 10 years. We stayed in a tornado of emotions.

His death came nearly 10 years from our first real evening together. ...That magical night of all nights when all things are possible... New Year's Eve 2003.
       Prior to this night, I did not really know him other than the face of someone older than myself who walked the halls of the the same high school as I had. That night, standing next to where he was seated at the bar I ordered my drink,  then walked to the opposite side of the room from him to "my usual spot".  I'm unclear on timelines, as that night became simply an eerie progression of time. But at some point he walked across the dance floor, and asked, "Has anyone told you how beautiful you look tonight?" We danced several dances. It truly was a wonderful night, that night-into-dawning of a new year. After our 1st dance, he then took his stance leaning against the wall just behind my chair for the remainder of the evening. How was I to know the true meaning of this uninvited stance?

This would be the official beginning of us....
      Of a whirlwind romance...
            Of life exploited and explosive.

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*"...spirit in the sky" - Look for a future blog on this beautiful choice of words.